Well, time flies slower and also faster than I thought. And I believe some writing might help and heal me a bit at this stage.
It's the 4th day since I arrived Torquay and a lot of things happened (basically the same loop happened again and again).
Sometimes, I doubted myself hardly about whether I could be a humble and obedience christian while I have nearly no one to share my struggles and temptations as they are too real to be shared. People need 3D-mindset as well as a strong mind to accept me as a friend as well as a "christian". Maybe, I am really too care and aware about how others see me and perceive me in their eyes.
It has been a long while for me not writing anything. I feel like I am escaping from something. The reality, all the changes, sins and myself. I can't even face and embrace myself, then who else can besides God?
How weak and useless I could be when facing temptations and difficulties and changes? I don't know. As I am standing right at this position and I can't even describe how vulnerable I am at this moment or this stage. Yet, I always tell myself that this is all part of the process. These all have to happened in order to reach somewhere.
Life is a loop. Human keep trying to tackle them by themselves until they truly and utterly surrender in front of the All Mighty God. Whole-heartedly and humbly.
Kel, may you be able and willing to turn you eyes upon Jesus.
