Dear,
Know that you have been job hunting and worrying.
Yet, there's one thing I would like to share with you - no matter what job offers you get in the future, it's not because how nice your resume is or how talented you are. It's just because of God's grace :)
Free yourself and leave everything in God's hand x
Tue 20 Aug 18:23
2019年8月20日 星期二
Day 33
Yesterday night Holam and I watched 春嬌救志明 and unexpectedly I got reminded that "growing up" or "being a real adult" is a matter of choice.
You have to tell yourself and be very determined to bear responsibilities, and that's the time when you gradually become an adult or stepping into the path of "growing up".
Oh yea, you can always decided not to grow up and bear no responsibilities for yourselves. Resist everything and keep relying on your parents, your partners or people around you. That's why we always said a mature person is not defined by his/her age but the mindsets or ways they handle challenges or daily issues.
By staying with Holam, he really teaches me a lot. He didn't do anything that's huge but baby steps when he faces changes and challenges when he is growing up or adulting. He just embraces everything softly and humbly with a very brave heart to be honest, like how he embraces my differences and dark side.
I didn't expect that hidden soft power inside his body and mind would be that strong that is so contagious. He acts like a mirror in my daily life which pushes me to reflect my actions and responses to different things. This is such an unexpected yet surprising great thing that happened in my life. I didn't know a relationship could turn into inspirations in life.
Growing up is pretty scary, but when there are people or friends or family members who walk together, even we are not on the same path, it just makes me feel much easier and better and braver.
Keep walking, there's always a way :)
Tue 20 Aug 13:25
You have to tell yourself and be very determined to bear responsibilities, and that's the time when you gradually become an adult or stepping into the path of "growing up".
Oh yea, you can always decided not to grow up and bear no responsibilities for yourselves. Resist everything and keep relying on your parents, your partners or people around you. That's why we always said a mature person is not defined by his/her age but the mindsets or ways they handle challenges or daily issues.
By staying with Holam, he really teaches me a lot. He didn't do anything that's huge but baby steps when he faces changes and challenges when he is growing up or adulting. He just embraces everything softly and humbly with a very brave heart to be honest, like how he embraces my differences and dark side.
I didn't expect that hidden soft power inside his body and mind would be that strong that is so contagious. He acts like a mirror in my daily life which pushes me to reflect my actions and responses to different things. This is such an unexpected yet surprising great thing that happened in my life. I didn't know a relationship could turn into inspirations in life.
Growing up is pretty scary, but when there are people or friends or family members who walk together, even we are not on the same path, it just makes me feel much easier and better and braver.
Keep walking, there's always a way :)
Tue 20 Aug 13:25
2019年8月18日 星期日
Day 31
So it has been a month since I arrived in U.K. (I am really looking forward to the day I can finally say I "settled down" here)
"A month" means nothing if I just arrived here and did nothing. So far I have been wondering between job seeking (online) and revising my cover letter... which could be an endless loop.
Somehow I would like to ask myself a few questions:
- Does everything just come to me so easy that I have been taking for granted already?
- Does I really know from the bottom of my heart that actually what I am enjoying and having are very luxury?
- Are you making the most of your time in this grace period?
I know that I am not using the most of my time, yet I am not sure what else can I do except sending out job application and spending time with my love ones.
Meanwhile, he is sitting in front of me watching movie while I am typing all these (with my brain running non stop) on bed.
What am I supposed to learn in these period of time or the time coming up? Phew I am exhausted with my laziness and procrastination. Though it's not productive to just blame myself by doing nothing for it. I know it's time to change.
Sun 18 Aug 11:11am
"A month" means nothing if I just arrived here and did nothing. So far I have been wondering between job seeking (online) and revising my cover letter... which could be an endless loop.
Somehow I would like to ask myself a few questions:
- Does everything just come to me so easy that I have been taking for granted already?
- Does I really know from the bottom of my heart that actually what I am enjoying and having are very luxury?
- Are you making the most of your time in this grace period?
I know that I am not using the most of my time, yet I am not sure what else can I do except sending out job application and spending time with my love ones.
Meanwhile, he is sitting in front of me watching movie while I am typing all these (with my brain running non stop) on bed.
What am I supposed to learn in these period of time or the time coming up? Phew I am exhausted with my laziness and procrastination. Though it's not productive to just blame myself by doing nothing for it. I know it's time to change.
Sun 18 Aug 11:11am
2019年8月13日 星期二
Day 26
Um, I am considering whether I should keep writing here as a diary to myself.
I was reading what I have written in the past few posts and I'm surprised by how time flies so quick and ruthlessly. It's been almost a month since I arrived in U.K. and 1.5 months since I resigned from Sinclair. This is a very weird yet complicated feelings.
Oh yes, I found the right word finally - COMPLICATED FEELING.
My body and soul have disconnected and lost each other for awhile and this is kinda a tough feeling when I try to touch my inner self. I feel so fragile as if anyone can pull me down by asking me how's life going from the bottom of his/her heart. I keep doubting myself with this "stupid" and "rush" decision I have made. Though I know the way out is to embrace it and look forward instead of looking back and feeling regret for it.
I need time. Fair enough.
Somehow, I really wanna cry heavily in order to break down completely before God pulling everything and renew/rebuild me. I have been pulling God so damn far away from myself and keep myself in a comfort zone without moving a step forward (or maybe half step).
What should I do now? Get a job? It might help or might not help.
How should I tackle my inner self? Without God I know I am nothing.
How to deal with my relationship in a healthy way? Without God I am nothing.
Keep breathing Kel, everything will be okay, everything will be fine.
I was reading what I have written in the past few posts and I'm surprised by how time flies so quick and ruthlessly. It's been almost a month since I arrived in U.K. and 1.5 months since I resigned from Sinclair. This is a very weird yet complicated feelings.
Oh yes, I found the right word finally - COMPLICATED FEELING.
My body and soul have disconnected and lost each other for awhile and this is kinda a tough feeling when I try to touch my inner self. I feel so fragile as if anyone can pull me down by asking me how's life going from the bottom of his/her heart. I keep doubting myself with this "stupid" and "rush" decision I have made. Though I know the way out is to embrace it and look forward instead of looking back and feeling regret for it.
I need time. Fair enough.
Somehow, I really wanna cry heavily in order to break down completely before God pulling everything and renew/rebuild me. I have been pulling God so damn far away from myself and keep myself in a comfort zone without moving a step forward (or maybe half step).
What should I do now? Get a job? It might help or might not help.
How should I tackle my inner self? Without God I know I am nothing.
How to deal with my relationship in a healthy way? Without God I am nothing.
Keep breathing Kel, everything will be okay, everything will be fine.
2019年8月12日 星期一
Day 25
Well, time flies slower and also faster than I thought. And I believe some writing might help and heal me a bit at this stage.
It's the 4th day since I arrived Torquay and a lot of things happened (basically the same loop happened again and again).
Sometimes, I doubted myself hardly about whether I could be a humble and obedience christian while I have nearly no one to share my struggles and temptations as they are too real to be shared. People need 3D-mindset as well as a strong mind to accept me as a friend as well as a "christian". Maybe, I am really too care and aware about how others see me and perceive me in their eyes.
It has been a long while for me not writing anything. I feel like I am escaping from something. The reality, all the changes, sins and myself. I can't even face and embrace myself, then who else can besides God?
How weak and useless I could be when facing temptations and difficulties and changes? I don't know. As I am standing right at this position and I can't even describe how vulnerable I am at this moment or this stage. Yet, I always tell myself that this is all part of the process. These all have to happened in order to reach somewhere.
Life is a loop. Human keep trying to tackle them by themselves until they truly and utterly surrender in front of the All Mighty God. Whole-heartedly and humbly.
Kel, may you be able and willing to turn you eyes upon Jesus.
It's the 4th day since I arrived Torquay and a lot of things happened (basically the same loop happened again and again).
Sometimes, I doubted myself hardly about whether I could be a humble and obedience christian while I have nearly no one to share my struggles and temptations as they are too real to be shared. People need 3D-mindset as well as a strong mind to accept me as a friend as well as a "christian". Maybe, I am really too care and aware about how others see me and perceive me in their eyes.
It has been a long while for me not writing anything. I feel like I am escaping from something. The reality, all the changes, sins and myself. I can't even face and embrace myself, then who else can besides God?
How weak and useless I could be when facing temptations and difficulties and changes? I don't know. As I am standing right at this position and I can't even describe how vulnerable I am at this moment or this stage. Yet, I always tell myself that this is all part of the process. These all have to happened in order to reach somewhere.
Life is a loop. Human keep trying to tackle them by themselves until they truly and utterly surrender in front of the All Mighty God. Whole-heartedly and humbly.
Kel, may you be able and willing to turn you eyes upon Jesus.
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