Day 26

Um, I am considering whether I should keep writing here as a diary to myself.

I was reading what I have written in the past few posts and I'm surprised by how time flies so quick and ruthlessly. It's been almost a month since I arrived in U.K. and 1.5 months since I resigned from Sinclair. This is a very weird yet complicated feelings.

Oh yes, I found the right word finally - COMPLICATED FEELING.

My body and soul have disconnected and lost each other for awhile and this is kinda a tough feeling when I try to touch my inner self. I feel so fragile as if anyone can pull me down by asking me how's life going from the bottom of his/her heart. I keep doubting myself with this "stupid" and "rush" decision I have made. Though I know the way out is to embrace it and look forward instead of looking back and feeling regret for it.

I need time. Fair enough.

Somehow, I really wanna cry heavily in order to break down completely before God pulling everything and renew/rebuild me. I have been pulling God so damn far away from myself and keep myself in a comfort zone without moving a step forward (or maybe half step).

What should I do now? Get a job? It might help or might not help.
How should I tackle my inner self? Without God I know I am nothing.
How to deal with my relationship in a healthy way? Without God I am nothing.

Keep breathing Kel, everything will be okay, everything will be fine.