"Hope but never expect. Look forward but never wait." -- thegoodquote

Fourth

Sometimes, time flies too fast which makes me not able to count what day is it.

<Jennifer_tdc> Social.

<Storeroom> Bought the mug I promised to give yst as a gift. And I realised I am that kind of girl who is willing to do something nice for the people I love, and put their needs and feelings beyond mine.

<Tea w/ Hoyin & Melody> Hoyin keeps on reminding us about - to know ourselves and to figure out who am I before the age of 30, especially when we are surrounded in a different culture and environment. I realised I still got so much to do with myself and so much to figure out, still a lot of work to do in order to know who I am and who is the ccl God made 21 years ago.

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<yst> Um, I still have no clues what has happened in details but I tried to distract myself from overthinking because I know it helps nothing at all and it will just make the whole thing and emotion complicated. Lift it too God as if God allows me to get to this place, He won't let me down. Faith.

13 Sep 22:48

In the past, I probably would just stop myself from throwing back and forced myself not to do something that will make myself think of the moments we had. But today, I realised, that's not the cases. What has happened, happened. Why can't I just face them. The only thing I have to do is to control myself - not to do it too often or to rely on it or to live in the past.

02:47am

Just watched one third of the About Time and I have a thought. Actually, it's not about whether I have shown myself completely in front of this man, cos at the same time he did the same thing in the past weeks. We both put ourselves into a place where we are willing to tell our stories and share our pieces. It's not just about how 'I' did for him or in front of him, as we both did pay effort and love in it. It's kind of a fair relationship indeed.

Tho there are still a lot of uncertainties (at least before I go back) and worries. All I can do is to stop overthinking and lift them to God.

13 Sep 02:47am

He knocked down my wall, and left.

So this day happened and I haven't digested it yet. But still I would like to mark this day down to let the future self witness my transformation.

<on the first day I wrote this and didn't complete it>

Third

<ytd> Instead of going to the morning service, I went to the night time service for the first time as I remember Hoiki said that's more peaceful and less people are joining that.

<Ash> So I used 1.5 hours to take mtr in order to get into Wu Kai Sai to meet Ash. I was unexpectedly calm and not emotional when I was talk about things happened in these few days. We talked about how we think about 'relationship' and how to accept our partners/future partners as a whole. I am not sure whether our ways of thinking and embracing are proper or not but still I feel glad we did share it. 

Anyway, the more I talked about it, the more I feel like that's actually not a big deal. And I am not sure whether it's a good sign or not. 

<Nico> Here's the random drinking part again. One sauvignon blanc and one mojito for me, One red and one whiskey for him. And again, the more I talked about what has happened, the more I feel like that's not a big deal. The most important thing Nico feels like I should do is that, to be honest with my feelings and tell him when I feel needed to. Such a simple but hard job for me you know. Will try to do it tho. 

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Okay so today started with a half-emptied heart. Knowing I don't have to meet Tongcwing is kind of a relief for me so I can just focus on meeting Hoiki and doing haircut. Such a simple day so I might go to Ikea for a walk before heading home for dinner. 

Cheers ccl, keep you two in prayers x

12 Sep 11:36

Morning thought on the second day.

Just started reading Cheukwangi's old book 誰有下次 誰沒有下次? again.

After reading a few pages, I got an idea - to buy a new notebook *yep I know I got a lot of notebooks, don't judge* and then jot down how I survive and go through these days and weeks and months with myself, with God and WITHOUT HIM.

Cheers ccl, you can do it, treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated xx

Sun 11 Sep 11:51

It seems like a lot of things have happened

So this is an official 'first day' for me to have my own silence in the living room in Hong Kong.

Have my classic black coffee, water and oatmeal with banana. The classics can always bring me back to the comfy atmosphere. They are my comfort food for sure. (I am glad that they are all health food at the same time hahahh) And with some chill house music as well, for sure.

After all the hustle and bustle, I think I have to consider about whether I would really want to work 24/7 or have a really tight schedule next year when I come out and work in the industry cos it's extremely for me to totally lost myself or become numb and that's the most valuable part of myself and I am not going to risk anything to lost it, especially when I have tried it.

ps. i duno the exact day i wrote this becos i posted it much much later than that day.