My heart whispered "I don't want to leave"

Every night, when I am spending time alone, my heart keep whispering
"I don't want to leave, I love my home"
Definitely, I have never predicted that I will take that much time to overcome it and to prepare myself.
I started to miss my parents, brother, bedroom...

Counting down

In the past few weeks, I am not dare to sit down and have my own time alone.
Probably because deep inside my heart, I know there are thousand of things I have to face and process (which I don't have the courage and energy to do so.)
I stop my devotion weeks ago, only have one or two connections with God every week.
It makes me feel weak, but I believe it's a way for me to digest my issues with 'quietness'. Tho I may not suggest my friends to do so if they encounter similar things as I am facing lol

Time flies much much faster than I expect and I am leaving in ten days.
There are still thousand of things I have to deal with and settle down.
However, I haven't given myself the 'me-time' yet since three weeks ago.
It should be the longest 'escaping time' I have ever given to myself or allowed myself to do so.
But I feel like I am mature enough to handle these messy feelings in this way after went through so many challenges.

And here I am, sitting down unexpectedly. Take my macbook out and start typing my random thoughts again.
Recently, temptation flooded my life. I am weak but God keep talking to me no matter how cool I am. I know I don't even want to talk to God as I feel like I can't do it effortlessly. I need some help indeed.

However,
no worries friends. I am fighting a hard battle with myself every day. I know I can win this battle by relying on Him and shouting His name. Amen.